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June 30, 2005
What would I do if I had not loved you
I have written about Bobby on this blog once before. He was my boyfriend, partner, lover, husband, best friend for about 8 years. Bob was the first person I knew who I believed loved me because of me, not because we were related. I mean your grandmother has to at least act like she loves you, right? Anyhow, Bob had made this decision, and I returned it, life was very good.
There were of course problems, my alcoholism was present, it had not reached the point which it did, but it caused stress in the relationship and pain for Bobby, he loved me in spite of it..
15 years ago today Bobby had an aneurism and died.
It is hard to grasp 15 years passing. I still remember the way he looked when he slept, the way his skin felt, his laugh. Loving someone is a great gift, second only to being loved. I have loved a couple of guys since Bob. Eric, Matt and Dustin, I told them all that I loved them and I meant it. But not in the same way, I don't think I will ever love someone else in the same way.
Maybe that is the way it is supposed to be. Each love should be different, that is what makes them all special.
So today I remember Bobby, a little more than I do on other days. I remember all the people who loved him, and I am grateful to have had the joy of knowing and loving him.
A couple of years into my sobriety my friend Karen told me over lunch, "Bob would be so proud of you". I like to think she is right. I hope today that I closer to being the man he thought I was.
So don't let today pass without telling someone that you love them, life is far to short to be stingy with our love.
Posted by JimG at June 30, 2005 08:26 AM
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Comments
Touching post, and I wanted to just say thank you for sharing it.
Sometimes I need to hear about others who have loved, so I don't get so frightened that I can't.
Peace,
Travis
Posted by: Travis at June 30, 2005 10:48 AM
Beautiful post about Bobby.
(And, I just saw Falsettos last Friday and reading that line almost brought back the tears.)
Posted by: Greg at June 30, 2005 11:17 AM
Thank you for sharing your inner most beautiful feelings with us. It helps smack us all in the face to stop and think and not take anyone or anything for granted. Hugz...
Posted by: Winson at June 30, 2005 12:51 PM
Jim, now my keyboard is all wet and might start sparking any second. I hate it when I cry at work. Karen is most definitely correct..
Posted by: Karl at June 30, 2005 02:00 PM
You should be proud of yourself, too. Thank you for sharing Bobby with us. Love is most certainly different every time.
[hug]
Posted by: Karen at June 30, 2005 04:54 PM
*hug*
Thanks for reminding me of the basics of life. Sometimes we can forget that the small stuff can be taken for granted.
Posted by: roque at June 30, 2005 06:21 PM
I already thanked you privately but wanted to add my name to the list of people here who really liked that post.
Posted by: Chuck at June 30, 2005 07:10 PM